Why do we allow others to mistreat us?
Many of us have not been taught as children what real, unconditional love looks like. As children, we needed to comply, at all costs, to the demands of our parents. Our lives completely depended upon them. They were the highest authority for us then. If they could not mirror real, unconditional love to us, we couldn’t have the slightest idea what real, unconditional love was.
If in our childhood, love was mixed up with pain, this is how we are going to expect that our love will be in our adulthood.
This was my childhood experience, and very often the childhood of many of us. Physical and emotional abuse received from the hands of ones who should have loved us the most.
As a small child, I was often wondering: “Why do my parents hurt me, when they are supposed to love me?”
This was the most difficult thing to comprehend, to understand for a young, vulnerable, dependent child.
This thought occupied my little head for a long time. My innocent child’s mind could not comprehend this dilemma.
So one day, I gathered enough courage and asked my mother about it: “If parents love their children, why do they hurt them?”
This was my little child’s way of trying to understand a big grown-ups’ world.
My mother’s response was: “Parents hurt their children when they are angry with them”.
As a child, I couldn’t comprehend that parents can intermingle love with violence and JUSTIFY that.
I was carrying this horrendous understanding into my adulthood, which had affected my whole life in a detrimental way.
I’m not advocating here blame or shedding of responsibility for your own emotional healing, but I’m pointing out one of the ways that emotional wounding can happen, and the way it can affect our adulthood.
From that place of increased awareness and understanding, you can start to embark on the journey of self-healing and self-discovery. You can learn how to empower yourself, be more aware and take responsibility for your own life, without blaming anybody else.
The first step includes:
– Being aware of your wounding, of your misperceptions.
– What are your thoughts now as an adult? You’re not a child anymore.
– You deserve to be treated in a loving, nurturing, respectful way.
We deserve to be loved, respected and cherished. This is our birthright. But we need to disengage from the misconception that LOVE=PAIN.