Christmas is approaching, and yet again we need to decide where and with whom to spend it. For many of us, Christmas with our families can be a tough and challenging time.

As Ram Dass said (I’m paraphrasing here):

“If you think you are healed from your emotional wounds, go and spend one week with your family.“

I was going home for Christmas for many years, and every time was fraught with pain, frustration, tears, uncertainty, anxiety. But one year I decided enough was enough. I could not take it any longer. The pain and frustration was just too much to bear, and I stopped going. I must say it was not easy – I had to find the balance within myself between guilt and resentment.

Being with my family at Christmas, or any other time, just completely destroyed my soul. The constant uncertainty about what was going to happen next, my mother’s unpredictability, how she was going to react, the anticipation of her emotional outbursts, abusive words, complaints. And most of all, her complete lack of respect for anybody but herself.

I said it: enough was enough.

One day I realised that I have rights and feelings. My needs count, and I would not tolerate any more abuse from her. For my own sanity, I decided to instead surround myself with people who’s company I love and cherish.


  • I decided that i would respect my feelings.
  • To be gentle, caring and loving to myself.
  • To listen to what i wanted, as opposed to what others wanted/expected of me.
  • To be less critical and more forgiving of myself.
  • If i didn’t want to go home for christmas, i didn’t have to!

I invite you to say these words out loud, and listen to how your body is reacting, listen and sense and allow the sensation to pass. This might be the first time that you are actually allowing yourself to hear and feel what those words mean in a visceral way.

How your body is reacting when you give yourself permission to feel and choose. And this time you can really truly trust yourself. You can trust what your body is telling you, trust in your gut instinct. And you know what’s more, nothing bad is going to happen to you. You are an adult now, you are not a child anymore and nobody has any control over you.


From then on, each year I’ve spent my Christmas at my home, surrounded by people I chose to be with. These festive times have become loving, tender, warm gatherings of people who love and mutually respect each other. We spend our Christmases in an atmosphere of love and joy and laughter.

I also decided not to have presents for Christmas. It was my conscious choice. It might not be the choice for you, but it was for me. The most important thing is to realise that we have a choice, that we can listen to our souls, our hearts, our guts for direction. 

As I said, in my home, we don’t have to give each other presents at Christmas. I found all this business with buying presents quite distruptive – it takes us away from true deep connection.

When my sons were small, then yes, the presents were given for them, but not now that they are adults.

Why do we need to spend time, money and effort, trying to buy something that most of the time the other person does not need or want? I used to give all my presents away anyway, or kept them for the next year to give to someone else!

The time and each other’s company, love and understanding, joy and laughter are now the presents we give to each other. This is what Christmas has become for me, this is my way of celebrating the festive season.

This might not be your way of celebrating Christmas, but what I’m trying to convey here is that it is up to you how you want to celebrate it. You HAVE A CHOICE.

But you need to be prepared that others might not like it, and that’s fine because they also have the right to their ways of celebrating Christmas.

We need to learn that others do not have to agree with our new-found freedom and choice. But this is ok.

We can make changes, and allow others to stay as they are because they also have freedom to be, and to choose.

I wish for you to have the Christmas 2019 that YOU truly enjoy and desire.

With all my love Marzena


    1. Thank you for your comment.
      It’s all about having a choice and making a decision based on your own needs and wants. Being able to decide for yourself what your heart and soul want and can tolerate.


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